How to Deal With Difficult Conversation

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Have you ever feel stuck in a conversation, while you still want to keep on talking, discussing something, but anything gets harder to handle and just be worse instead? I have a lot, either with “friend”, colleagues, or family. The problem with “friend”, sometimes you just want to continue the hard times because you still want to be connected, you keep on trying hoping it could attract good reactions and approach with nice impression. But your partner might not reciprocate by as you wish. And it’s hard, I know. I know exactly so I can feel you xP

With colleagues, the factors could be varied. Even sometimes for tiny things. But for this case, I didnt allowed feelings involved, so it safe. With family, owh, it’s even harder. I have brother and mother who didnt always agree with me, and yea, we argued. (My father? Well, you dont have to worry about him. I always be his little princess. And since he usually prefer to stay quiet, I perceive that he’s always on my side. My #1 man on this planet).

So,

I faced many difficult conversations with humans. Eventho I declared myself as an extrovert, love to meet people, read a lot, and feel that I never limit and create boundary on specified topics. But the difficulty is also belongs to me. So when there is a psychology people give advices to me about how to deal with it, my curiousity level is on maximum. I often believe on science and on psychology. Not merely because it learned in school, but my tendency is they taking patterns. I’m sure every single thing in this galaxy has a pattern. People need time and consistency to catch and map it, something that not everyone could afford. (if my time is really unlimited, perhaps i want to learn much more than I did, urgh).

Here are the advices that I got:

1) First, we need to calm. If we Hulk Out, it’s little more than a screaming match and nothing gets accomplished.

2) Dont make statements. Ask questions. The other person will interpret it as a veiled form of fighting back.

3) Treat them like a child. No, it doesnt mean be condescending. But we wouldn’t try to rationalize with a screaming child. And we wouldn’t get angry with them for yelling.

4) Ask “what would you like me to do?”

5) Speak slowly. Anything that slows the situation down is good for us.

6) Start sentences with “I’d like…” not “You are…”

7) Let them have the last word. Needing to have the last word is like quitting at mile 26 of the marathon. We’ve done everything right up until now. Do not let our ego screw up everything at the last minute.

Those are the things that we (me and you all) can try. Good communicator has always good position in society.

Last but not least, there is one thing that I wish I could posses: sense of humour. Uh yeah, it such an expensive gift. Everytime I see it on a man, I always think perhaps it was innate. But really, be a humorous is such a bless for those who use it well. Let me know if there is people who sell it, hahaha…

By now, after all this time, would you have a good conversation with me? :3

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Value of work. Make leader rethink.

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So, I just watched a TEDx video and get some good insights from it. Seems like a simple ones yet quite sufficient to be awared and realized, especially if you’re a leader, either in work or community.

We usually think that our people work mostly for money, wage, or kind of that sort. That’s their main motivation or at least a thing that could move them to do something, the easiest way to order. Well.. that’s not incorrect. But from the experiment, the research, “meaning” also takes important role of their work.

Actually there are 6 things that mentioned here (as you can see above);

+ Meaning

+ Creation

+ Challenge

+ Ownership

+ Identity, and

+ Pride

You can give them money, but how about the quality? It was well explained by taking the IKEA assembling as an example. Or cake mixes. Once, there was product about cake mixes. You know, like an instant cake where you just need to pour it in, stir some water in it, put in the oven, and voila! You have a cake. But when you’ve done that, if you offer it to (maybe) your guest, you might not say “hey, here is my cake”, because you feel somebody out there has done this part. There was no big effort involved, it didnt really feel like your own, people lose meanings. So what did the company do? they took the egg and the milk out of the powder, let people do the more process themselves. Now it has become more difficult, but people love them, it feels fine. That’s about challenge and pride, meaning and ownership. Interesting, eh? While giving difficulties to others aint making them miserable but giving a value instead.

Besides, dont forget to also respect of our people’s performance, even just by scanning and saying “uh-huh” of their work. Give them confidence. Even if there’s a chance, give them spaces to show-off in public, pride is really something that money cant buy.

Hopefully we can be a better leader in each day 😀